Dementia is an illness that generates a lot of confusion and uncertainty. How do you break it to your father that at 75, he doesn't need to go to work anymore because he retired a decade ago? Or that he must give up driving because he has become a hazard on the roads?

Dianca Schüssler is mastering the art of 'sidestepping the truth', gaining a happier father in the process. In her poignant book, she shares her missteps and lessons learned.

"A dementia book recommended by healthcare professionals and caregivers."

The photo that accompanies the text from my book 'Harry Has Dementia'...

We replace the funeral card of my mother, which sits on the small cabinet in his room, with a cheerful black and white photo of my young parents dancing together.

I tell the story to the care team about how my father asked my mother out for a dance party fifty-six years ago. My father has also told me the story. As we recall those loving memories, I see him beam.

Now that the caregivers know the story behind the photo on his cabinet, they pick up the photo and sometimes bring it up with my father. Sometimes his brain chamber is closed, and he has no recollection. But when the door to that chamber is open, my father enthusiastically tells his story.

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While I refill the cookies in the cookie jar on the table, I notice two colored boxes of balls.

"How fun. Can you place the balls well?" I ask my father as I pick up the games.

"Yes, I'm good at that," he responds enthusiastically.

I hand him the box of balls. It surprises me how focused he is as he spins the game and tries to get the balls in.

He looks at me with a smile. "I already got two! How many do you have in?"

"Wow, dad, now I'm getting nervous. I haven't got any yet."

Quietly, we sit next to each other with the same goal. We want to win the game. I do my best. However, my father takes the victory. I realize that it's a special moment. I vow to play more of these games with him. Stimuli like this are good for him.

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Dianca

I'm Dianca Schüssler, married to Marc and mother of daughter Lisa and son Jerom.

Coping with my confused father's illness is a struggle for me. What more can I do to increase his joy in life? Am I doing it right?
Throughout his illness, I devour information from the internet, read books about dementia, and seek advice from others who also have a loved one suffering from dementia. Looking back, I realize I've made mistakes. It would have spared my father pain if I could have applied my learned lessons immediately.

I decided to gather and write down my learned dementia lessons, hoping that other caregivers can benefit from them. And also to fulfill my mother's dream. Publishing a book. She couldn't do that, even though she was a journalist.

I continue to write about my experiences. You can find them on my Instagram and Facebook pages. I'll regularly post there about what I'm going through with my father.

"Nice to meet you there!"